Religion is terrifying

This morning I feel the need to explore my animosity toward all things religious. More specifically I'm thinking of Christianity, but it pretty much applies to all religions.

Christianity has been nothing short of traumatic for me. Forgetting the fact that I've been blatantly lied to more times than I can count, the entire tradition, the teachings contained in Christian heritage condemn and belittle me as a gay woman.

Anytime I walk into a church I feel like I suddenly can't breathe. I'm surrounded by people who just might hate me and I'm being told from the pulpit what a terrible person I am; what terrible people we all are. Anytime the God or the bible comes up in conversation it takes everything in me not to run away.

It doesn't matter to me that not all Christians are like this. I've heard over and over (and occasionally believed) different interpretations for the biblical condemnation of homosexuality, as well as attempts at making Paul and other writers no longer sexist, but it's just that: interpretation. It's *exactly* the same thing conservatives do to ignore the command to give to the poor and to turn the other cheek. It's the same thing churches do to come up with different doctrines--instruments or no? Immersion or no? Communion every week? and so on and so forth.

Everyone has their own interpretation. This is, apparently, supposed to make me feel better about Christianity. I can make it what works for me. Instead, it makes me feel like millions of people are clinging to a God that makes them feel good and that they think makes them good people. It makes me feel like millions of people are clinging to a religious tradition that has hurt millions of *other* people.
**This is probably where I start offending people. That's not my aim. I'm simply exploring my feelings here. Some of these are buried down there in the place I shove feelings that I'm not supposed to express. They need to be expressed.**
I don't want to try to rewrite a harmful experience to make it something helpful. I'll go make my own helpful experiences. I don't need one single book that I have to reinterpret and to help me do that.

I suddenly feel I can't be honest like this with any Christian. Not even the most liberal. In fact, I could probably say these things to a conservative before I could say them to a liberal, because the liberal Christians are the ones doing the reinterpretation--the clinging.

I just don't understand how people don't understand why I hate it so much.